Ancient Jewish Weddings

Marriages at the time of Jesus were very much known for their celebrations. Compared to the Friday or Saturday evening weddings and receptions of our day and age, ancient Jewish weddings would traditionally last even longer, spanning often upwards of several days. For all of you who have been to a wedding, I know what you are thinking, a week’s worth of celebration? How on earth did they party so hard, or dance multiple nights away? What in the world went into all of that preparation?

For those of you married, I’m sure most of you can relate. The effort, planning, timing, and coordination for just one day of a wedding can be strainful enough. Imagine then a wedding that went on night after night? The couple must’ve taken wedding event planning to new heights. However, in Jesus’s time, weddings were not so much about the destination or the couple’s event coordination. Rather, for a momentary season, weddings became the talk of the whole town. They became the community’s central focus, the life of town, where everyone was invited to participate and contribute to the celebration.

In ancient Jewish times, weddings were not just about rejoicing in the bride’s and groom’s love for one another. Rather, each wedding served as reminder to the town of God’s love for his people. A love which the whole community was invited again to rediscover.

God’s first command to man and woman in Eden was to:

“Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it . . .”  – Genesis 1.28

During Jesus’s time, most Jews often pointed to marriage as one of the few things in God’s original design which was not lost in humanity’s fall. Weddings therefore would become the reminder of the Edenic hope for them all.

It should come as no surprise then, that with such a kind of celebration, came over a year’s worth of preparation. But to understand the wedding at Cana, we’ll probably need to take off our twenty-first century conception of what we expect a wedding to be. Sure, there are some similarities; but even more so, we’ll need to step into the customs of the ancient world to be given more clarity.

Different from today, at the time of Jesus, Jewish wedding ceremonies were actual separated into two main parts: erusin and nissuin. The first ceremony, erusin, marked what was called the period of betrothal. The second, nissuin, marked the start of the final ceremony which involved the final vows and the days of celebrations that would follow.

It began as follows: Just before erusin, through a wedding contract, the couple announced to the whole community their intent for marriage. Shortly thereafter they would gather with the whole community to begin their vows. Erusin, and its period following after, can be seen to be somewhat similar to the engagement period we commonly practice today, but it is also different in its level of commitment.

That is, after the ceremony of erusin, the couple was already considered by the community to be married. Meaning, in the community they were already called husband and wife. But, over the course of the next year, while married, they would still live under different roofs, preparing and waiting for nissuin to come about. It is this stage of marriage we find Mary and Joseph in. Matthew tells us they are husband and wife, yet at the present time, “betrothed” and still waiting for nissuin to arrive.

When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together . . . – Matthew 1.18

If there still was more to the ceremony, then what did Mary and Joseph, and every Jewish couple of their time, do after the time of erusin betrothal? Why was a year needed to wait till nissuin took place? What more preparations did they have to make? Today, in engagement, a couple’s days might be filled with many event planning activities: Finding a reception venue and church, booking a food catering vendor and photographer, saying “yes to the dress”, sending “save the dates”, organizing wedding colors, flowers, bridesmaids, groomsmen, ushers, family table arrangements, and the infamous D.J. . . . Need I say less?

During Jesus’s time though, they took a different approach to the planning of wedding activities. It began similarly with organizing bridesmaids and groomsmen; but after came wedding garments, lanterns, a ram’s horn, processions, singing, wine, a wedding canopy, and a master of ceremonies; followed each night by household community feasts.

To the Groom . . . To the Bride

During erusin, the groom’s primary responsibility was to prepare a place for his bride to live once she entered under his roof. It was also his responsibility to oversee nissuin’s wedding ceremonies and the first of the wedding feasts the following day. Surprising enough, it was not the bride, but rather the groom and his family who would take on all the wedding planning responsibilities. Unlike today where the “save the dates” are fixed and the bride often organizes many of the day’s events; in Jesus’s time, the day of the wedding would be a surprise for the whole town and also a surprise for the bride! You heard that right, the bride would not know the exact day or hour the wedding would take place! In some sense, though he had an idea, not even the groom would know fully the day, at least not until his Father granted him final consent.

“But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only.” – Matthew 24.36

Growing up in a family structured society, where multiple generations all lived under one roof, the groom’s betrothal preparations consisted of preparing a room for his bride in his father’s house. Once the groom’s father gave his son his blessing, on a day unknown to the town and his bride, the groom would gather all his groomsmen, sending first out his best man to proclaim the news.

The bride, in the suspense of waiting for nissuin, would focus on her personal preparations: Her main tasks were to prepare her wedding garments and lantern lamp, while also preparing herself to leave her life in the home of the family she had always known and enter into the life and home of her groom. Often, these days were filled with much joyful reminiscing and also sadness as her family prepared to send her off into the life of a new home. While the bride knew to expect her groom after about a year of betrothal. Again, she did not know the exact day or hour nissuin was to take place, Thus, her and her bridesmaids, often ten unmarried young women of the town, would keep their oil lamps ready at all times, just in case the groom would come by day. Or even in some cases, in the middle of the night!!

When the time arrived and all the preparations were made, the final transition from erusin to nissuin began. The groom and the “friend of the bridegroom,” the best man, would gather the groom’s party together. The groom would dress in royal like attire with a crown and robe to prepare for the night.  As the procession was about to begin, the “friend of the bridegroom’s” first task would be to prepare the way for the groom. The groom would send his friend a short while ahead of him, warning the bride and her ten bridesmaids with a message: “The bridegroom is coming!”

“I have been sent before him.” – John 3.28

The women, now aware of the coming of the wedding, would gather together at the bride’s home. Lighting their lantern lamps, they would wait and keep watch for the groom. During this time, the bride would dress and prepare for the night ahead.

At midnight there was a cry, “Behold, the bridegroom! Come out to meet him.” Then all those maidens rose and trimmed their lamps. – Matthew 25.6-7

Once the “friend of the bridegroom” returned from the bride’s house to meet back with the groom and his groomsmen; suddenly the shofar, a ram’s horn, would sound from the groom’s party. This would be done to announce to the whole rest of the town that the wedding ceremony of nissuin was about to begin.

The groom and his party would then march in procession with their own lanterns towards the home of his bride. Along the way they would sing and shout, being sure to wake the whole town to the events which were about to come about. The “friend of the bridegroom” would act as the master of ceremonies throughout the night, remaining in service always by the groom’s side throughout.

“He who has the bride is the bridegroom; the friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice; therefore this joy of mine is now full.”– John 3.29

 When nearing the bride’s home, the women would watch as the lantern lights of the groom and his party approached the home. The bride would then prepare to greet her groom. With her own oil lamp lit, and her ten bridesmaids’ lantern lamps lit as well, the bride would then wait for their groom’s party to proceed closer. Once the groom arrived, they would then go out and meet his party at the door.

The bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the marriage feast . . .

– Matthew 25.10

Nissuin, the second part of the wedding, would then formally begin. Nissuin, which means, “to take,” comes from the root word naso, which means, “to lift up.” At this moment, the bride, dressed in her wedding garment and ready; seeing her groom in the glow of lanterns, would then be “lifted up” by the groom and carried to the home which had been prepared for her.

“In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And when I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.” – John 14.2-3

In procession together about the streets, the groom and his party, along with the bride and her party, would celebrate and dance marching towards the groom’s house. Along the way, the parties would sing from verses of wedding hymns such as, the Song of Solomon. The point of the lantern procession was to rejoice and make the whole community aware of one fact: The marriage feast was about to begin!

And those who were ready went in with him to the marriage feast; and the door was shut.

– Matthew 25.10

Once the procession reached the groom’s house, the wedding parties, guests, and the families would enter into the groom’s home as witnesses to the wedding. The door would be shut behind them. The groom’s parents would bestow a blessing upon the couple. The couple would then finalize their nuptial vows saying them over a cup of wine. After the prayers and drinking of wine, the wedding was then privately consummated, the doors would then be opened. Then, the wedding festivities would begin!

The next day, a kind of holiday in the village would break out and the wedding feast that following evening would begin with wine, food, and dancing. The celebrations would continue in the community upwards of seven days, marking with joy the seven days God created the world in. After the first feast, many households in the community would prepare meals for each night to honor and support the new family. Often hosting the feasts in their own homes, the bride and groom would not honeymoon, but rather spend their marriage on the backbone of the support of their community, resting in the new creation their God was bringing about through their new family.

Today, traditional Jewish marriages follow this similar practice, albeit, with some slight adaptations. Separated still a year apart, both the erusin and nissuin ceremonies involve a cup of wine and both are held under a chuppah, a tent used to symbolize the room and home the groom prepares for his bride. At nissuin, under the tent, a prayer called the Sheva Brachot or “Seven Blessings” prayer is recited by the Rabbi over a cup of wine and then drunk by both the couples.

Still to this day, over the course of the seven days following the wedding, the bride and groom are treated with great honor and invited to celebrate their wedding through feasts in the homes of their families and their friends. During these meals, the Sheva Brachot prayers are also again recited over cups of wine.